kill or get killed?

have you ever thought of the ways on how you want to kill someone?
well,i do.
and my friends say that i'm physco.hahas.
am i?
i don't think so.
well if i want to kill someone,
i will make sure that no evidence will be found.
that include the body.
first i will let the person faint first.
i don't want him or her to not feel a thing when the killing process is done.
tied him or her on the bed.
get sharp object and poke it right in to the eye ball.
then stick a straw into it and let the blood flow out through the straw.
i guess by the time he or she had already been waken up my the pain.
ouch it hurts.hahas.
he or she will plead.
but the more she plead,the more pain he or she will get.
next get a sharp knife and slit both wrist.
not to deep,enough for the blood to slowly drip out.
oh,and also place a cup under the wrist.
so the blood can drip in it.
and i can drink it after that.
aim properly at the neck and give it a big bite.
a bite strong enough to bite of a piece of the flesh.
then i can see the blood oozing out.
the amount of blood loss is enough to make him or her weak.
get a bigger knife,slowly slice of the meat.
pieces by pieces.
ah,by the time the person is dead.
then,cut open the body.
slowly take out every single organ in it.
and make sure there are hungry dogs around.
so i can throw the organs to them,
and see them eat it up hungrily.
put the meat that were slice off earlier into a blender.
blend it well,and let the dogs drink.
i guess after eating all those organs sure make then thirsty.
make sure all the meat and organs are cleanly remove.
it takes a while,but it's sure fun.
all that is left now is the head and bones.
get some petrol.
pour it over them.
before burning it,
i will walk up to the head and whisper to the ear,
"sorry that i can't share the joy of killing with you.cuz you are my prey.
count yourself lucky that i have chosen you.i do enjoy the process."
after that light up my lighter and burn the rest into ashes.
while watching it burn,i will not forget the cup of blood i have save just now.
i will drink while i watch it burn.
killing is a joy no one else can understand.




i will whisper to you,how much i love you.

this two days keep working.i'm physically drained.very tired.

nothing much to talk.so share a poem out then.
titled: where,when and how.

Where, When and How

Where did it go?
The sense of one
Feeling of togetherness
Of mutuality, symbiosis
Thinking each others thoughts
A consciousness shared
Breathing in unison
A single beating heart
Speaking in a single voice

When did it happen?
At what point?
Did we separate?
Torn asunder
Split like an atom
Dissected like conjoined twins
To Breath alone
Stop sharing one heart
Speak for ourselves

How could it be?
When I looked at her with love
A stranger looked back
Independent and solo
Individual and free
Thinking on a different plain
Breathing different air
Heart pulsing with a different beat
Speaking a foreign tongue

that's all for today



if you can hear me,i will want to say "i love you"

as usual.skip school today.morning wake up by my mum.accompany her go and have breakfast and shop for chinese new year stuff.as my auntie and cousin will be coming over this year,so need to get prepare.
meet my old friends,nurul and aisyah at 4 plus.went down to town.went to fareast.nurul treat us eat the british something(for got the name)then went to starbuck and slack and chit chat.it's been a long time we ever meet and chat.talk alot of craps.then aisyah say i behave abit like that ellen degeneres.hahas.cuz we both like talking craps.and the best thing is we both are lesbian.haha.she's my idol now.i shall open a talk show like hers next time.hahas.after that went to taka and walk walk.then went to hereen to take neoprint.everytime we meet out,we sure go and take.after that went home.cuz nurul need to work later.while walking to the station,we talk about our past.how we were in sec school.
in sec one i'm so call the angel.hahas.cannot believe right.everytime i will disturb aisyah,but teacher will never see.then when the whole class get punish,i will always be the first one to go off.i'm the one that create the trouble but at the same time,i'm the teacher's pet.hahas.sec two,how me and aisyah got damn close and anti few of our classmate.sec three,how we always hang out after school and talk craps.sec four and five,i always make the DM call out aisyah name loud,cus i never wear proper uniform then he don't know my name,so have to call aisyah to ask me to tuck in my shirt.see,i'm the bad one,hahas.

i like being with the two of them.when on the way home with aisyah,we plan the next outing.should be in feb.then when i get my pay,i treat them eat fondue.(i think is spell like this)then me and her count how long have we know each other.so surprise we know each other for 10 years.and our friendship is still strong.they are sure my best friend for life.in front of them i feel so relax and very myself.i don't have to act of put on mask.cuz they have see the worse side of me.this friendship mean alot to me.years down the road,i believe,we will still be best friends forever.

HAPPY TEN YEARS ANNIVESARY OF FRIENDSHIP TO AISYAH AND NURUL!!

that's all for today.


zhu-don't worry,i will pray damn hard.but i don't mind spending the rest of my life with you.haha.but you must give birth to one child.hahas.



hoping to see you message every day.

work up late today.so i decided not to go to school.hah.went to compass point to have breakfast with my mum.went to metro to get my guy laroche which cuz my mum 70 bucks.she got herself a handbag too.went to giordano to see clothes.cuz mum ask me to get one more shirt for chinese new year.saw the one i like and it cuz her another 50 bucks.she got a pant for herself too ya.went home after that.meet anthony and lester at 1 plus.slack at coffee shop awhile and anthony two other friends came too.lester went to get his o level result and came back to meet us again.slack till 3 plus then went home.
message zhu,see she working not.then decided to meet her out.we haven't seen each other for like half a year.went to people's park to fetch her from work.went to her house,she put her stuff down and went to eat prata.the prata there is nice.while eating she call long and qiang.long time never see them already.chat for awhile and we say when we free sure meet out.after that went back to her house.slack and chat.help her massage.cuz her back very tired.while massaging her,we chated.then i forgot what we talk and i say if 5 years later,she's still single then i want her.she say ok.so i shall pray hard now that 5 years down the road got people want her,if not i will have to face her forever.haha.went home at 1 plus.
it's nice meeting her.in front of her i can find my true self.we don't have to wear a mask in front of each other.it's comfortable being with her.


that's all for today.




if you want to find a boyfriend,will you consider me?

didn't went to school today.cuz it's a waste of time.as almost all went to do their shooting.slack at home watching tv.6 plus 7 went to PS to meet huimin and jervena for dinner.had sakae sushi for dinner.after that went to arcade and slack at starbuck before heading for home.

shall share something with everyone.

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.

Me & You

Tonight's the night
for me and you,
The night to prove
we were meant to be.
You mean the world to me,
and so much more,
I would give my life for you,
the one I adore.
You're the one I think of,
when I'm happy or sad,
You're the one i think of,
and am very glad to have.
Your touch is s o gentle,
your smile is so sweet,
Everytime I'm with you,
my heart skips a beat.
Together, Forever,
I know it's meant to be,
for you to only be with me.
When we hold hands,
my heart fills with joy,
Just to hear you tell me,
I'll always be your boy.
When we hold eachother close,
the world seems to move fast,
And it seems like forever,
though much time has past.
When we hug eachother,
and i look into your eyes,
Your sweet adorable smile,
catches me by surprise.
Your kisses are so sweet,
when our lips begin to meet.
To hear you say, I Love You,
means so much to me,
And I hope and pray that you,
will always be with me.


that's all for today.


the feelings i have for you,i will never let it show.

finish up the last few scene of my final project today.after that went to ps with huimin and kelton to have dinner.slack at arcade.9 plus jervena came over.went to eat supper at mac.smoke abit and headed for home.

i shall share a poem today called:"everything"

Everything

I hope you don't know,
I hope you don't see,

All of the feelings
Bursting inside of me.

I wish I could tell you
I wish I could let you know

All of these feelings
I would like to show.

I lay in bed
Hope and pray

You will wake up
And realize some day.

Maybe one day you will know
Maybe you will see

Although I meant nothing to you,
You meant everything to me.



that's all for today.



god gave me one heart,and i gave it to you.promise me you will never break it.

18th jan

went to school a little bit late.slack in school.after school,me and my project members and my mentor went to my place to shoot our eoy project.ling came over at 4 plus.cuz we going out after the shoot.finish up half of the shoot at 6 plus 7.change and went down to ps to meet jingjing.went to eat at swensen.saw my ex schoolmate there.while eating half way,saw meizhu and her bro.have a little chat and continue eating.order an ice cream and share with ling.after the dinner,went to arcade,cuz kelton,jingjing and huimin want to play.kelton and nika went off at 11 plus.slack at starbuck.huimin bought green tea latte,it taste horrible.after that we went to jingjing house to sleep over.ben came at 2 plus.chat and play a stupid game before sleep.
jingjing and huimin sleep on the bed as usual.me and ling share a mattress and ben sleep near the door alone.while sleeping halfway,ling wake me up(cus i sleep beside her)and ask me to accompany her to the toliet.apparently she say she hear footsteps and plastic bag sound.so she scare.after that went back to sleep again.wake up at 9 plus.around 10 plus went down to buy breakfast for me and ling.left jingjing house at 12 plus.

19th jan

reached home at 1 plus.bathe,rest and off to work.i'm damn fucking tired.time pass fast while working.work till closing which is 2.30 am.reached home at 3 plus.now sitting in front of the laptop typing this.ging to sleep soon.cuz tomorrow working at 12.haix.

that's all for today.





if we only can be friends,i don't mind.as long as i have you by my side.
i guess you will never know that i like you.

it's has been days that i post something.cuz my laptop is with ling.well,i do have alot of things to write.but i just can't really remember what happen these few days.when i can finally remember then i shall post.if not......

these few days.i have been thinking alot.about my past.

when i'm young,people around dote on me alot.they kinda spoilt me.haa.i get what i want,i have everything done the way i want it to be.i'm very close to all my relatives.but slowly,i chose to drift apart from them.why?cuz there are too much things i don't want them to know.even my parent,i never talk about my feelings to them.they all ask me one question before,"where did the nice little girl in you goes?why did you change into someone that is so mean and heartless?"i did not answer.cuz they will never understand.because of my changes,my relationship with my family and relative is getting bad to worse.the last time i ever saw my relatives is about a year ago.i just don't like seeing them.

they keep asking me when will i get a boyfriend?i feel like telling them,"hey,i'm a lesbian"but i know if i ever do that the person that will get hurt is my mum.what ever wrong things i do,the person being blame is her.i feel very sorry.
mummy,i'm sorry.i have not been a good daughter.sorry for hurting you.

hmmm...now let's talk bout my relationships.haa.i start seeing people when i'm 15.it's when i turn into a bung.i have lots of relationships,but there are only 3 i'm serious in.

recently,i just ended a 1 year plus relationship.i was the one that chose to break up.not her fault,but mine.i fall for someone else.when she beg me for patch back,she cry and cry.i feel very upset,but i still choose to end it.i say hurtfulful words,i do things to hurt her.i do it because i don't want to give her any hope.i rather she hate me then she love me.it will be easier for her to forget me this way.i rather be the bad guy.
i do love her once,but things just seems to drift us apart.i've try to mend it,but it doesn't work.cuz i'm the only one doing it.i don't blame her.but i have to thank her.thanks for everything.i really hope,one day i ever met her on the street,we can smile at each other and say hi.i'm sorry,friend.

i guess i shall stop here.





if you ever accept me,i promise i'll be the sweetest,nicest bf in the world.

yesterday and today is fine.nth much to say.


hmmm.how many times have you really fall in love?how many times have you really give all you have in a relationship?how many times have you been hurt?
Me?i have fallen in love 3 times.two that didn't last long.and one,that left me lots of sweet memories even though we are not together.more than a friend but not stead.i have only give all i have twice.and these two are the ones that hurt me the most.
many people fall in love and break up fast.and they forget fast too.but some,it takes them a long time to do so.why?cuz they love that person too much.
thinking back about my past.i find it funny.almost all of my ex dump me for the same reason.i'm too good.ha.i'm not as good as they think.whenever i got ditch or i ditch people,i will cry(a little bit when i ditch people).but now,i don't feel a thing.heartless,coldblood?maybe i'm just numb.
i always fall for the wrong person.it's either they are straight or they just treat me like friend.
if you ask me,do i want to have a gf now.maybe i will say no.but if it's someone i will surely say yes.
cuz i like the way i am now.no one controls me.i can like whoever i want.i can do whatever i want.
freedom is what i want.




wo bu ying gai xi huan shang ni.ying wei ni bu ke neng hui xi huan wo de.

i think SOME people just want attention.but none will give it to them.cuz they don't deserve it.anyway,i find you irritating.think whatever you want to think,bitch all you want about me.i just don't give a fuck.


went to work today.tiring.cuz i didn't sleep much.work till 4.i took a slice of cheese cake from work today.it's nice.i love cheese cake.went down to bugis to meet ben and nika.went to eat mos with huimin first,cuz they haven't reach yet.ben reach after a short while.after dinner,accompany ben to go cut his hair.while waiting,nika have reached.went to starbuck and slack.kinda scare of coffee now.cuz i see and make it everyday.slack till 6 plus,jingjing reach already.sit there awhile more,before we go arcade.after that go hong guan,cuz jingjing and nika want to eat there.headed for home after that.

tomorrow starting school.so i shall sleep early tonight.




it makes me smile when i think of you.

i wonder why CERTAIN people like to look deep into what i say,when i'm not talking about them.Anyway,am i talking about you?Are you guilty?i guess so...

4th jan
off day today.wake up at 9 plus to go hougang mall with my mum to have our breakfast.went to look around for belt.instead of only buying a belt,i also bought a shirt for chinese new year.apparently my mum say no guy shirt for this CNY,but in the end she still got me one guy shirt.went home,sleep again.i'm damn fucking tired.woke up at 5 plus 6.meet huimin,jingjing and nika at cityhall.went down to liang court to have our dinner.me and huimin had curry rice and nika and jingjing have udon.i have this fear with udon.(bad experience with it)so i didn't eat that.slack around at clark quey.actually wanted to go clubbing,but we got work the next day.don't want to have hang over ya.so we decided next time then we go.went home at around 10 plus.

5th jan
woke up at 8.meet huimin and jingjing at 10 for breakfast before going to work.work is fun today.we got to learn how to make hot drinks today.fun but very hot.got scale by the jug.i thought it's cold and when i touch it,it's fucking hot.knock off at 6.meet ben and ling at amk to slack.talk and slack under a block.9 plus we decide to go home.so i accompany ling walk to the mrt station,cuz i bu fang xin her walk alone.after that headed for home.


ahhhh,tomorrow still got to work and school is starting on monday.it will be very tiring for me.hope i can handle both work and studies.kinda miss my classmates.





24/7,365 days.i'll be there for you.

damn tired...


woke up at 9 plus,to accompany my mum for breakfast before meeting huimin and jingjing for work.meet them 12 plus at bishan.have a smokebefore working.today is fun.cuz we make drinks for customer.even though it's only a few types of drinks,i got a little bit mixed up.cuz it's only my second day.the manager,kenney ask huimin,is me and jingjing the only child at home?she say no.she then is the only child.ha.when huimin tell me about it,i was like do i look like the only child or do i look like spoilt brat.haha.and the mediacorp artist,Terrence Cao came today.he look better in real life. knock off at 5.went to look around for watches,cuz might be buying one.went to eat mac for dinner and headed home.
tomorrow not working,cuz manager not around,scare we kana bully.haha.working morning on sat.

ben-i think only watch cartoons then she will not be scare.she's still a kid.haha.

nika-who knows she scare or not.body 19 also not real one.




i think you are cute.

stop acting pitiful.it's disgusting.anyway,i'm not a gentleman.not to you.




woke up by my stupid bro at 6 plus.he's making a big fuss,cuz he couldn't find his sock.in the end he bang on my door to ask me to lend him mine.sleep back till 11 plus.had my brunch and went to meet huimin and jingjing for work.meet them at 1 plus,in the end they came at 2 plus.
when reach bishan,accompany huimin to get her belt before starting work.work today was alright.we learn how to make ice blended drinks.the first drink i ever made is black forest mocha,it nice.first time still not bad.learn quite a few things today.
finish work at 6,went to have dinner at long john.slack awhile before we headed for home.
tomorrow starting work at 1,ands at 6.haha.can earn more.got to sleep soon.


huiling-next time i don't dare to bring you go and watch horror movie.i scare to see you cry.i shall bring you to watch cartoons.haha.study hard and get your text books soon.if not i go and get it for you.

nika-i scare she watch AVP also will scare.haha.


that's all for today.



i like the way you smile.

new year!

31st dec 2007

woke up in the afternoon.around 5 plus someone call.the moment i pick pick up the phone,the person ask,"is this wayne?i'm calling from singtel."
i was like huh?then i hear giggle.it was huiling that call.she ask me want to meet for dinner first before meeting huimin they all in the night.since i'm not having dinner at home.why not.then after a while huimin call.asking me is it i going out for dinner with her cousin,i say ya.then she say,why not join her and her mum.then ok loh.went to meet them at amk.don't know why everytime i see ling,i like to disturb her.ahaha.went to ichiban sushi for dinner.the queue is damn long,but we still wait.cuz we want to eat.while queueing,haha,i start disturbing her again.then she say her birthday coming,so ask me for present.wanted to buy her the nike or puma watch.but she say don't want.so i ask her to think of what she wants then tell me.i get for her.waited for don't know how long,finally we got in and eat.eat quite alot,till i'm damn full.ling order a ice cream and i steal the biscuit.i wanted to pay for my share,but huimin's mum say she treat.after the dinner we went to play two game of basketball at the arcade while waiting for jingjing to come.
after jingjing come,we went down to ps to meet ben and nika.when to arcade to play,cuz they haven reach yet.when ben reach,we went to rocky master to slack.treat ling a drink,cuz at amk i say i want to treat her ice cream.thne huimin they all say they also want.idiot them.nika reach when we have finish our drink.wait for her to finish her drink.we sit there and talk about ghost.ha.after that,went to the cathay to get movie tickets.while walking there.it strike 12.and we saw firework.we get the movie 'body 19' at 3 plus.after getting the tickets,we went to get supper.only me and ling didn't eat.cuz we were full.walk to parklane for the lan gaming after supper.play till 2 plus,walk back to cathay and slack outside and wait for the movie to start.
the movie we watch is a horror movie.jingjing and ling want to sit in the middle of everyone,cuz they sacre.then i purposely say,"lets run in and grab the seat."true enough i got the middle sit.let one at the side.then ling don't want.i only want to disturb her,so in the end i got up and gave her the seat.the movie isn't as horror as i thought.but the rest of them is like covering their ears and eyes.it's a nice movie.thailand horror movie is nice.after the movie,we sit outside and talk.i think ling is too scare,cuz of the movie.and she suddenly cry.i feel very guilty,cuz i'm the one suggested to watch that.but after a while she's ok.she just don't want to go home alone after breakfast.so huimin ask her to go her house.
we went to amk for breakfast.i reated ling.cuz i make her scare and cry.home sweet home after that.

1st jan 2008

got home at around 8.20am.sleep till 6 plus and jingjing call.ask want to meet out for diner at 7.i say ok,but i will be late.reach there at around 7 plus.had pasta mania for dinner.after that we accompany ben to look around for t-shirt.cuz he want to buy.after he bought 2 shirt,we went to eat strawberry strudel.it's damn nice and damn expensive.slack there till 10 plus and we headed for home.got to sleep early,tomorrow need to work.

P.s:if you happen to read this.ah ling,i'm so sorry,cus i shouldn't suggest to watch horror movie.i didn't know you will be scared till you cry.so sorry ya.anyway tell me what you want for birthday.





xiang bao hu ni.